Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
