what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
