I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize