I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
