I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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