My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
