So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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