I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
