do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
