I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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