We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
