I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
