Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
