She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
