I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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