Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
