Umm I'm too high to move.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
