worst night to have a conscience
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
