so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
