I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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