Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
