why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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