did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
