doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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