I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
