i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
