I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
