omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize