I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
