Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
