i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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