dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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