Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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