mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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