I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
