I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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