I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
