btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You left your underwear on the fireplace
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
