I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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