I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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