She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
