I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
