i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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