i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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