before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
