The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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