I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
