I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
