Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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