I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
