I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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