just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize