hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My liver just had a heart attack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
