pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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