I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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