I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
