stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's on the porch naked. Help.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
