3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
