Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
