WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
