I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
