Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
