she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I didn't notice because vodka
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
