pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
