So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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