Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
