I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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