his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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