where am i from again
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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