The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
