How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
