feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
